“Not now, dear.” You might have heard this phrase quite too often. Instead of asking your wife for an explanation, you gulp in silence and take the words to your heart. Normally, these words can hurt a man. But when it happens all the time, it might even hurt your self-esteem.
But wait a minute. Your wife may have reasons for saying no to your hardened but frustrated penis. And her reasons may be valid. Before assuming anything, the following reasons might give you some light.
1. She’s not in her best self
Society praises women who always look good despite being married and having two or more kids. Despite this superficial judgment, your wife may take it personally. With the household chores, kids, and maybe a career, your wife may fail to maintain the attractive figure she used to show off. Comparing oneself with others isn’t healthy, but women find it difficult not to compare themselves with other women.
The sexually attractive neighbor may make your wife feel insecure about herself. And when she’s not feeling good about herself, she may think that you feel the same way too. Instead of brooding about your wife’s rejection, find ways to make her feel good about herself. Give her assurance that she’s much sexier now than the first time you meet. Of course, do it with sincerity. Faking it might hurt her more. Or find other parts of her body that you can’t stop staring at. These simple gestures can send her signals that she’s still attractive to you despite the bulges in the wrong areas.
2. She’s going through an emotional turmoil
There are a lot of things that push women to worry, even the little things. Women are more emotional beings than men. They can be sad, depressed or anxious when faced with too many responsibilities. Stress can take a toll on women’s emotions. Making mountains out of molehills is sometimes inevitable. This chaos of emotions may cause your wife to lose interest in intimacy and sex.
However, she may refuse to share her inner turmoil because she doesn’t want you to worry. And saying no is her only way of making you feel she’s not okay. If you notice your wife is less energetic and smiles less, ask her what it’s all about. Sometimes, having a listening ear can pacify an anxious mind and heart. Or take her out on a date to give her a breath of fresh air and be able to clear her mind.
3. She’s taking medication
Medication, especially the ones that treat depression, can lower a person’s sex drive. Oral contraceptives and drugs that lower blood pressure can also cause havoc to your wife’s libido. Fibroid and thyroid problems are other health issues that may interfere with your wife’s low sex drive. It’s important then that you know what’s going on with your wife’s health. Since sex isn’t pleasurable in these situations, you can try touching and rubbing. Understanding her condition strengthens your intimacy and it makes her feel cared for too.
4. She’s having relationship problems
Married life can sometimes feel crazy. No matter how long the two of you have been together, annoying things start to come out from time to time; things you never expected your significant other can do. At this point, your wife may find something in you or in how your relationship goes that she dislikes. When she’s annoyed or irritated with you, having sex is the least thing she’ll do. Try to coax your wife into opening up what’s the matter. Ask her if she’s satisfied with your relationship, or if there’s something you do that she finds hard to accept.
5. She’s experiencing pain
Sex is painful when women find it difficult to achieve orgasm. This usually happens when she’s physically or mentally exhausted. Because she doesn’t want to disappoint you, she might say yes, initially. But because her body isn’t physiologically prepared for sex, she might experience some pain and may tell you to stop in the middle of the act. This can be too frustrating on your part. You can overcome this dilemma by using lubricants. Make sure to have some lubes around to prevent yourself from seeming to erupt once you’re overcome by disappointment. Or when your wife says she’s too tired to have sex, respect her decision and give her time to relax and recharge.
6. She’s not feeling loved
Women need constant affection. Even if you have sex many times a day, still she needs reassurance that she’s more important as she is than her capacity to have sex with you. You can make her feel loved by giving her random kisses or giving her flowers even without any occasion. She will appreciate it more when you show more affection that doesn’t lead to sex.
7. She’s getting bored with you or in the relationship
Self-care is of utmost importance whether you’re married or single. Don’t make your married status as an excuse not to take good care of yourself anymore. Your wife saw you as an interesting person while you’re still dating. If you allow your luster to fade, your wife may not recognize you anymore. Who wants to have sex with a person who is not familiar to you? Not your wife, to be exact. Get back your wife’s interest by connecting to the person that you truly are. Let your wife reminisce the good old days by using the perfume that captivates her senses.
8. She’s no longer feeling the emotional connection
Emotional connection is important to women. You can’t blame them because they’re wired this way. This makes them better able to express their feelings and emotions. When you manage this skill of emotional connection, your wife will reward you greatly. Begin by taking time to communicate with your wife. Talk about your relationship, about the things that turn her on or about what she likes best in your sex. This might lead to a deeper connection, which may lead you both into the bedroom.